Directed by Patty Jenkins

Written by Allan Heinberg

Starring Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Robin Wright

I knew Wonder Woman wouldn’t suck. I knew because it couldn’t afford to. A big budget blockbuster starring a female superhero directed by a woman, with the entire fate of the DCU riding on it, but hey, no pressure. After the unforgivable trash known as Man of Steel, and after BvS disappointed fans, and after Suicide Squad crushed our hopes and dreams, DC at last decided to not make the worst movie of the year.

Wonder Woman unfortunately is not a great film, in fact it’s not nearly as good as it could or should have been. But it’s alright, it’s worth seeing I think, and that makes it The Godfather of its cinematic universe. We have all been subjected to such lifeless trainwrecks by studios and filmmakers who would seek to harm their audiences rather than enrich them, that I have to be grateful that this movie at least turned out okay. I have to be glad as I remember all the anxiety and panic attacks I had throughout Man Of Steel as I watched it. I think about how I begged for death to take me when Henry Cavill screamed like a little bitch after killing Zodd. I think about how I clawed my sides, causing as much physical pain as possible to distract me from what I was experiencing. I think about all this because that was how low the bar was set for these superhero movies. You can’t appreciate the best films without seeing the worst.

After Michelle Mclaren dropped out of directing Wonder Woman due to “creative differences” (think Edgar Wright with Ant Man) I was very worried. She is an amazing television director and I was immediately excited for the project once I heard she was onboard. But when she dropped my thoughts instantly soured. The studio quickly replaced her with Patty Jenkins (also a good director) and while skeptical I regained positive thinking. Then the first trailer dropped last summer along with Justice League and I remarked, “Wonder Woman looks great”, as an initial impression. I liked that first trailer and I liked that the movie began to look promising. I was sure, as we all were, that Gal Gadot would at least be worth watching.

When it was first announced she would be Wonder Woman for Batman vs Superman I was definitely a hater. I thought she looked all wrong for the part. “The girl from the Fast and Furious movies?”, I couldn’t take it seriously. Then I saw BvS and she wowed me. Easily one of the only good parts of that movie. She was dynamite and completely shut me up. I was dead wrong about her casting and freely admit it.

But now I’ll talk about the actual movie. Early on we see scenes of Diana as a child growing up. Immediately I thought of the flashback scenes in Man of Steel and how those made me want to kill myself. In Wonder Woman they are handled well, and the younger Diana and all her scenes are fun and well set up. Except I will say Robin Wright felt really out of place to me, in all of her scenes actually. I dunno if it was her accent or just the fact that it’s Robin Wright, but I wasn’t feeling it. The action here is also really goofy and silly. At least they show you right away what you’ll be getting into, a lot of slo mo then sped up fight scenes like 300 (you can tell Zack Snyder had a bit more than a writing credit).

Chris Pine is really good in here, and he has a lot of really funny back and forths with Gadot, including a wonderfully written boat ride between the two of them. Whole audience was roaring. In fact the movie is at its best when Gadot and Pine are together, especially when he takes her to London and she has to get used to the lifestyles of normal people. The movie has its most fun with these sequences, like Gadot trying on different outfits to blend in, or when she prepares to take on a revolving door. These are all wonderful and great and rare moments in a superhero movie like this. And they’re great because of Gal Gadot. She’s perfectly cast and doesn’t contribute one single wrong thing about this movie. All the films flaws surround her but do not involve her.

There’s a lot of exposition in this movie, which wouldn’t be so bad but a ton of it is awkward, and too much of it goes on for too long. You’d think all this would have been handled in the first act of the movie, but it bleeds itself into character’s dialogue as they force their ideologies onto us. Look at the brief scene where Ludendorff dances with Diana. Look at how long and awkward and stupid he is as he talks. Look at how forever this moment feels as he repeatedly shouts his beliefs over and over into Gal Gadot’s quiet face. And then there’s a character I can’t mention at the end who talks. And he talks and he talks and he talks and he talks and he talks and he talks and he talks and he talks and he talks.

We get it dude, holy shit. Shut the fuck up.

As if it weren’t obvious enough, the worst part about this movie are the villains, and my god are they the worst. They’re not even just the weak useless ones we’ve come to expect from the Marvel films, NO THESE ARE DOWNRIGHT TRASH. Lundendorff was already bad on his own, hilariously German and snorting his cocaine gas powder and barking orders we don’t care about in scenes we have no interest in. And then there’s his sidekick? I guess? Dr. Isabel Maru “Doctor Poison”. 0/10. Add her to the list of worst onscreen “villains” or whatever the fuck she was supposed to be. With her cringeworthy voice and her Phantom of the Opera knockoff mask and her dumb tilted back head and her terrible lines. I am shocked that Patty Jenkins knew how to make Gal Gadot look so good, but had no clue what she was doing when it came to Dr. Maru. Honestly painful to even think about. Everytime the movie went to these characters I screamed NO, GO BACK TO GADOT. CUT BACK

Every. Time.

The other characters are your basic rag tag group of merry men or whatever you want to call them. They’re alright, nothing really special about them. Sameer was good, at least they gave him some funny interactions with Gadot. The Charlie guy is handled so weirdly by the movie, expecting us to know him fully fleshed out after a few specific lines about him. I dunno, it felt like bad writing.

But then there are amazing moments, like how awesome Gal Gadot is when she finally puts her tiara on. Or when she knees a soldier through a building. Or anytime she uses her gauntlets. Honestly Wonder Woman doing battle during trench warfare in World War I with Germans might have been the worst idea on paper. But in the movie it ain’t bad. I’m glad at least there were mostly good visuals, so even during the movie’s dumb climactic moments I could still see what was going on. It wasn’t the puke inducing cinematography we have become accustomed to from the DCU.

And Oh man is the ending fight dumb. I was less than enthused by it, and found myself quite bored. But the visuals kept me entertained at least. And I was always enchanted by Gadot.

Wonder Woman is an extremely silly film. But it’s the good kind of silly. Overall it is clever subverting expectations and playing off a female hero and male damsel in distress. It won’t be as fun or worthy the second time. Maybe just that first 45 minutes with Gadot in London, and then I’ll turn it off. The movie is just way too long otherwise. But see it for Gal Gadot, as she IS Wonder Woman. Perfectly cast and doesn’t miss a beat in her performance. Wonderful and innocent and powerful and funny and strong. And always believable. Perhaps this is an impossible turning point where DC starts making great films from here on out and Marvel turns to shit as its studio keeps churning out the same movie every few months. We’ll just have to wait and see