Directed by Jon Watts

Starring Tom Holland, Michael Keaton, Jon Favreau, Zendaya, Donald Glover, Marisa Tomei, Robert Downey Jr.

I did not want to see this movie. I did not want to write this review. It’s no secret I was dreading Spiderman Homecoming more than anything. But I walked in hungover and tired, uninterested and with buried expectations just to get it over with. I left speechless that it didn’t suck, dumbfounded that it was actually a good ride. I was wrong about this movie. Shame on the people who cut together the 4 awful AWFUL trailers for this film, making it look like the most obnoxious thing to sit through and showing as much of the movie as they were allowed to spoil. How on earth they managed to make it look nearly unwatchable is beyond me. But I also have to say Homecoming is not better than Spiderman 2 so let’s just get that out of the way right now (I’ll return to this later), but it’s good. Maybe even really good. But as of this moment I am unconvinced of its greatness.

You see the blockbusters and superhero films of today are no longer allowed to be great, the studio system simply won’t let it happen. More and more filmmakers are being choked by their financial backers and losing creative control to the exact people who should have none of it. Marvel has essentially abused its power since Age of Ultron, and has more or less pumped out the same movie ever since. They’re the same formulas and with the same scores and same weak color correction and look and anytime actual stakes rise up they are undercut by silly humor. That’s just fine for a movie or two, but seeing Civil War do NOTHING with its great premise aside from bore and disappoint me for over 2 hours was so disheartening. I care nothing for a movie that has all the stakes built around it and then utilizes none of them. How am I supposed to care when no one is ever in any real danger, and nothing of value actually happens? How has the information that Bucky murdered Tony’s mom changed anything? Will it be referenced in a quick throwaway line in Infinity War before the big battle? “Hey Tony, remember that time I killed your mom? We cool now right?” Then they fist bump and fly off into the sunset to buddy cop it vs Thanos. I can’t take these movies seriously anymore because they don’t take themselves seriously.

And while the greatness has been sucked out of all these cinematic universe films, the fun has been dwindling as well. But now here is Spiderman Homecoming, a movie that DOES know how to have fun. It’s made by smart and talented people who understand that all these movies have become essentially pointless, and decided to go ahead and have as much fun making this entry as they could. It’s not as good as Spiderman 2 because it doesn’t try to be (which I’m grateful for), and instead is an entirely different kind of spiderman movie. It’s funny and it’s a lot of fun, completely entertaining nearly the whole way through. It is not a movie to be taken seriously, but one to just enjoy. The script is hilarious and sharp, and the cinematography actually feels real and not manufactured, and the visuals are good and colorful, and finally we again have a Marvel movie with its own good score that isn’t plagued by temp music and doesn’t sound the same as everything else we see. The filmmakers also have a good grasp on musical cues, and really it’s the first time in a long time I have not been pained by how a movie like this sounds. A rare Marvel experience that didn’t feel like it was made before it got made.

We’ve come to expect the villains to be weak in all these movies, so it’s no surprise that the Vulture ain’t all that great. But Michael Keaton is great, and gives us a least a hint of something relating to a good antagonist. But I dunno, I felt the writing for his character could have been so much better. He kinda feels like he doesn’t belong in a movie like this. Almost too dark in a story that is mostly lighthearted and goofy. And the Shocker just sort of seems to be there (although it’s inventive how you find out who he is).

But the cast! That young cast of wonderful new talents onscreen! The choice of Jacob Batalon as Ned proved to be the movie’s best. He is amazing and hysterical, and excited and perfect as Peter Parker’s best friend, nailing every scene he’s in and not ever missing a beat. This is one of those productions where you can tell every person was really enjoying themselves, and Jacob feels like he knows he’s in the next big thing and can’t contain his own excitement. Also there is Zendaya as Michelle. Brief and to the point, showing up in scenes to just to deliver their punchlines. Barely onscreen but always present.

Tom Holland, who was one of the best parts of the disappointing Civil War, is truly incredible. He’s a young bright, exuberant talent who I might have to concede is the perfect young Peter Parker. He’s just so good here. In his facial expressions and voice and intonations and mannerisms. And his delivery of everything is just right.

I appreciated all the puns, each and every little one. And I was glad that Donald Glover made his appearance. I think it’s a testament that there are two major twists in this movie, and they both work, whereas in a weaker movie they would have failed miserably. But I think even if you see them coming you’ll buy them, because the execution is there. And the actors are right. They work really well.

But I might as well explain why it’s not as good as Spiderman 2. This movie, like all the recent Marvel films, is just a ride with no stakes and no real consequences. There is but ONE scene where I said “Wow” to in Homecoming, and it’s the one where he has to lift himself out of the rubble. This is the only moment in the entire runtime that even comes slightly close to the dramatic peaks in Spiderman 2. And it’s great because Tom Holland is weakened and beaten, and he’s crying out for help. Here you can truly see his humanity. And even THEN this great moment is nearly ruined by a pathetic voiceover that had no business being in the movie at all. The scene is also too short, here I noticed the filmmakers lacked the patience to exhibit greatness. They didn’t have the courage of their convictions because Peter Parker lifts the rubble easier than we expect. It could have risen so much more than what it was, but cuts what could have been an amazing sequence off to continue with the movie. What a shame. Still liked it a lot though.

Aside from this scene the movie doesn’t really peak anywhere. There isn’t really any memorable action scene or riveting moment. Although there is a really good extended scene with Michael Keaton that does have a lot of tension. There’s solidly good stuff all around, but the best parts of Homecoming are the little things. The funny, self aware humor, the inventive scenes in his high school (Hannibal Buress as his gym teacher had me in tears), Tom Holland trying his best to be a local hero and failing. I also appreciated that he falls, a lot. He falls from missed webslings and suit malfunctions and misjudgments. I really enjoyed when he has to run on foot across a field with sprinklers because there’s no building nearby to swing to. And the relationships with all the characters is good and all around and believable. And just a little thing like Tom Holland lifting part of his mask to make a phone call with Tony while eating a Churro.

But what was I talking about? Oh right, Spiderman 2. For those of you who have seen it, you’ll remember when Tobey Maguire had to stop the train. The people who made Homecoming saw and loved this sequence too, which is why they put a watered down, inferior, weak version of it in their film when Tom Holland has to hold a cruise ship together. Now I want you to take a hard look at both of those scenes, and I want you to tell me which one elicits more of a response from you.

I don’t know about you, but to me, the boat scene in Homecoming loses. I take a look at the train scene from Spiderman 2 and there’s Tobey Maguire, there he is. In that scene, he’s actually there on that train, risking his life to stop it. Every time I watch this sequence I’m on the edge of my seat, and some part deep down inside of me thinks Peter Parker just might die. To me, this is one of the great moments of modern cinema. And why is it so great? I figured out a long time ago that with all the emotions and hype we go into movies with, we always love one response more than anything else: surprise. When a movie is great or good or past our expectations or gives us more than we wanted we are surprised at how it took us on that journey. Did you ever expect to be moved like this in a comic book film? Tobey Maguire risks his life to save people on a train that seem like they don’t care about him. The conductor even jokes to him, “Any more bright ideas?” after he fails to save them the first time. This comes at a point in the movie when he’s been so self doubting and self effacing, losing his powers and his will to go on doing what he’s been doing. And suddenly, he nearly dies saving these strangers, who in turn save him. And as the passengers delicately carry his unconscious body back on the train they realize the best of them is just a kid. And when Tobey wakes up he doesn’t see a train full of hateful bystanders, he sees genuinely good people who are grateful to him, and in that moment he realizes this is why he is a superhero. This is why he can’t give up. It ain’t even cheesy when the children come up to him with his mask and tell him they won’t tell anybody his identity. And Danny Elfman’s magical score elevating it all. It’s a scene like this that reminds you of all of our collective humanity, and why we shouldn’t lose hope. GOD DAMN I LOVE THIS MOVIE

Then you take a look at the boat scene from Homecoming and you don’t get any of that. You know what I see in that scene? I see a CGI’d bug holding together a CGI’d boat. I see overworked and underpaid visual effects artists slaving away at computers. I see Tom Holland doing ADR in some studio backroom. He ain’t there in that scene. No way. They saw how great the train scene was and were like, what’s bigger than a train? A boat! Bigger is always better right?? Wrong. Better our hero saves one person we care about than 500 we don’t. The people on the train have personalities and characters and lines. No one has any of that on the boat aside from that hilarious guy applauding and saying, “Good job Spiderman/Iron Man!”.

To be fair the boat scene isn’t awful, it’s just a shame they decided to briefly capitalize on a better movie’s better scene. It’s just sort of there and I don’t really get it. In Spiderman 2, Doc Ock breaks the train so it’ll send those people to their doom, and makes his escape knowing Tobey Maguire will have to stay to save them. In Homecoming Tom Holland fights the Vulture for a bit, then one of his alien devices lands on the boat and randomly explodes out causing it to split the ship into pieces (how did no one die here?). I suppose it is cool that it bounces around and Holland blasts it a bunch with his webs till it stops shaking. But then the boat splitting is just a random event of circumstance. Keaton doesn’t even want it to happen, he’s just like “Oh well” and dips. I did like how Holland quickly wraps all his webs around to hold it together, THAT at least was original. But then they break and he has to hold them himself, only to be saved by Stark. I dunno, this scene is just so weak. It’s shocking that it isn’t as bad as it could have been, but really, what is the point of this? I guess just to illustrate that he needed Tony’s help to save the day in this particular instance. But then that goes back to explaining why this isn’t as good as the train scene, because it’s overall weak and then Holland can’t even do it himself.

So that I guess explains why the comparison might be unfair, since Spiderman 2 went for stakes and greatness and achieved it, and Homecoming plays it safe with humor and fun. BUT that is also the very reason why it is impossible for Homecoming to be the better film. It does not strive for it. It knows what it is and hits its mark. It’s aware the Marvel films have lost all their stakes and consequences and instead chooses to tell a consistently entertaining story about a high school kid trying to do the right thing and figuring things out.

To the movie’s credit I didn’t cringe once if memory serves me right. I laughed a lot and had a lot of fun watching it. I did walk in hungover and tired (I’m still hungover and tired as I write this) and my expectations were so very low that I probably enjoyed this movie way more than I should have. But since it does succeed in what it sets out to do I have to judge the movie on its own merit, and to that degree it is a success. But don’t go watching it expecting more than a fun ride because you won’t get it. You won’t get deep emotional connections and you won’t be as riveted as you want to be. And you certainly won’t get a scene like Harry’s confrontation with Peter at the end of Spiderman 2. But that’s OK because if anything this movie is a promising set up for a better sequel (if the studios allow such a thing) with a wonderful new cast.

Spiderman Homecoming is a good movie. Spiderman 2 is a great one. I can’t put it simpler than that.