Directed by Zack Snyder

Screenplay by Chris Terrio and Joss Whedon

Starring Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Gal Gadot, Ezra Miller, Jason Momoa, Ray Fisher, Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, J.K. Simmons

After Sucker Punch made me question the movies, and Man of Steel ruined my life, is it strange now then that I liked Justice League?

Oh boy, y’all are about to have a field day with me. Whatever it is you want to do in this world, whatever the hope or dream or aspiration, you must now do as soon as possible, for the apocalypse is nigh. The Doomsday Clock just struck midnight folks, I enjoyed a Zack Snyder film.

As of this moment, Justice League sits at a deplorable 39% on Rotten Tomatoes. The reviews have not been kind, even the movie going audience seem to be letdown. I only ask them all this: where were you four years ago? Where were the pitchforks and the anger and the hatred for Snyder when the worst movie of our generation hit theaters? Man of Steel got a pass for being the first film of the DCU. People liked it cause it was new and it was Superman, and Nolan’s name was attached, even though it is one of the worst movies of all time. Of course Batman vs Superman wasn’t going to be as bad as that, nothing really could be. And yet there was only silence amongst all of you. No one wanted to say what needed to be said, but I did. I knew back then what I had seen was unforgivable, a capital offense of cinema. You don’t get to make Man of Steel and come out unscathed. It set the bar for the DCU at absolute zero. Then BvS disappointed fans. Then Suicide Squad was the worst movie of 2016. And that was maybe the worst movie I have ever seen of a team being assembled. The flack I caught for even saying that was legendary. “Nah man, did you see that dude on fire fight that other dude on fire? It was LIT”. Ah yes, these eloquent rebuttals are what keep me going.

But before I get into any discussion of Justice League itself, I have to preface it with the problems that plagued its production. Many of the greatest filmmakers of all time ended up being rather terrible people. You read stuff on the set of great films of how the director was abusive to the cast and crew, and you find out things that you didn’t want to know. It’s hard to watch great movies made by such scum. How am I supposed to see Rosemary’s Baby and not think about what Roman Polanski did in real life as I view it? Look that up for yourself, I will not utter it here.

The only way to do it is to separate the art from the artist. Braveheart is one of my favorite movies of all time, even though Mel Gibson is out of his fucking mind in real life. But I point this all out because I have always remarked that for as much as I despise Zack Snyder’s filmmaking, he has always seemed like a kind and genuine person in real life. I strongly suspect this is how he never lost his job despite his incompetence. There’s a truly naive innocence to the way he operates. And while in every interview he has no idea what he is talking about, he seems like a guy I could grab a beer with. Maybe talk with him in full length about why his movies suck so much.

Now I’ll get to the point. Tragedy struck back in March. Snyder’s daughter Autumn committed suicide, and he promptly dropped out of production of Justice League to be with his family. My heart broke for him reading the news. As bad a storyteller as he is, no one ever, EVER deserves that to happen to them. I hope the best for him and his family.

But this is important to bring up, because Joss Whedon took the reins in Snyder’s absence, and took to reshoots and post production and editing the final cut of the film. To what degree Whedon’s involvement changed the film from its original course I’m unsure of. You’ll all have to debate that. I’ll tell ya I was surprised to even see that Whedon was already a co-writer of the script! So perhaps its whimsical and goofy light hearted tone was always there. It is interesting to see two wildly contrasting directors each take apart in something more and less than what was expected.

BUT this is exactly the vibe and tone given off by all of the marketing of the film! The summer before last the first JL teaser hit the internet, and I loved it. Gone was the dark and mishandled brooding of Henry Cavill’s Superman. Missing was Jesse Eisenberg’s wrong Lex Luthor. And no where in sight was the cringe from all of Suicide Squad. I saw a commanding Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne, and a hopeful exuberant Ezra Miller as The Flash. And the music in it just clicked for me. I couldn’t stop watching it. A year later the second trailer hit, and I loved that one too. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’m blasting that shit in the background as I type this. COME TOGETHER RIGHTTT NOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW

Where was I going with this? Oh right the tone! It was all there, in every teaser and trailer and tv spot. The Marvelesque light hearted fun that had been absent from the DC Universe. And please note, something is not bad because it is dark or good because it is light. It is only that the DC films FAILED on every level at trying to be serious. This step in the comedic direction was needed, just like it was needed for Thor Ragnorak and Spiderman Homecoming to go FURTHER in that direction because the Marvel films can’t be taken seriously anymore. Funny how that is working out for both of them.

But you knew! You all KNEW what kind of movie you were getting! You knew a year and a half ago what this was going to be. And I ask you, with one of the worst movies ever made in Man of Steel, and a disappointment with BvS, and the worst movie of 2016 in Suicide Squad, and an OKAY superhero movie with Wonder Woman, what exactly were you expecting from Justice League?

The Dark Knight? Spiderman 2? The Godfather?!!?! Why are you all mad now, and not then? The hypocrisy is staggering. The company with which Justice League is in almost by default makes it good.

Man, I haven’t even talked about the movie yet. Holy shit I need an editor. Let’s dive into why I liked it so you can all tell me how crazy I am.

To tell you the truth, right from Justice League’s opening moments I smiled. Like Homecoming it uses found camera footage to start. But it’s not an extended sequence like in Spiderman, just a small conversation of some kids interviewing Superman long before his death. The kids voices are in the background as their camera records Superman in near full frame. Brimming with excitement they call out questions for him, the last of which being, “What’s your favorite thing about planet Earth?”. Superman thinks for a moment, then smiles and looks off camera. It’s Lois he’s thinking of, or maybe all of humanity. But Lois is what went through my mind. Then it cuts to black and the movie starts. Now I thought with the way BvS ended that was the perfect intro for this movie. But wait, this is Zack Snyder film? And oh, oh no, it’s going into a silly montage in unneeded slo mo set to a probably inappropriate song over the opening credits. Old habits die hard I guess.

It also wouldn’t be a Snyder movie without his trademark heavy handed symbolism. Look at where Wonder Woman is standing when you first see her, man it’s dumb. But that does lead into the movie’s first action scene. Or superhero saving civilian scene. Or whatever you want to call it. Some lackluster terrorists attempt to blow up a city block in a museum. Or is it a bank? Whatever. Not on Diana Prince’s watch. It is kinda baffling to see a bad guy unload a machine gun into a crowd and watch Wonder Woman move so fast as to block each individual bullet. Do I question right here that she is able to speed by as fast as The Flash? Or that later Cyborg is able to fly like Superman? Or that several of them all have the same ability of super strength? Well yeah, I did. But did I care? Nope. I’m still suffering PTSD from that screening four years ago of Man of Steel. I’ve blocked off as much of the pain as I can, and I have not allowed a single movie to harm me as much as that one did. You can call that my bias. That’s gotta explain why I’m so lenient here right?

Back to Justice League. The goal of this movie, as with the parallels it shares with Avengers, are simple ones. Get a likeable team of superheroes together to accomplish what the individuals could not. But since it’s their first outing on the big screen that means confronting a weak villain. Here’s the difference though: Tom’s Hiddleston’s Loki was so fun to watch that we forgave how ultimately weak he was. He was meant to act as a counterpoint to the team, and unify them. In Justice League, we have Steppenwolf (is it Ste-phen-wolf or Step-in-wolf? I don’t even know, who cares). A poor CGI smorgasbord concoction of all the bad guy rejects from DC’s trash bin. Have we learned nothing from the awful Age of Ultron? Whose villain was a computer generated robot lacking both menace and humor? Why even have James Spader voice him when he’s a fucking blue screen joke? Doesn’t everyone know by now that audience’s prefer a live acting ACTOR on screen, able to portray a role, whether good or bad guy, more effectively? Steppenwolf has got to be the long lost adopted son of Thanos, looking like he was beaten throughout his childhood for looking so fake. And well deserved too.

Most of the movie’s hate will stem from his role. He is a by the numbers antagonist. He wants to cleanse the world in his image, with the three motherboxes (is that what they were called? oh god I feel so stupid typing this out), for “the unity” as he proclaims. He portals through to Earth from Diana’s home of Themyscira. Was he trapped out there like Hela in Thor? The details escape me and I only just saw it. I am thinking way too hard about this. But you know, it is cool how the ladies of the Amazon try to thwart him. “Breaking the gates” and shooting the box away on arrows. Like any of that is going to work. Still it was neat to see the movie at least having fun with such predictable plot beats. It’s why I don’t question how Diana’s mother is able to shoot a fire arrow into the clouds to ignite a building that has to be on the other side of the continent so Diana can instantly see it on TV in the very next scene.

I’ll talk about Ezra Miller, who you may remember was nearly unwatchable in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, although that wasn’t his fault. Now he’s Barry Allen, the original Flash. I was most excited to see him from the trailers, and he didn’t disappoint. Not to me anyway. Keep in mind I knew nothing about The Flash going in, aside from the cartoon show Justice League (fucking amazing btw) but that was Wally West. And I did see The Flashpoint Paradox and it was alright, I don’t remember much about the character of Allen himself. So my perspective on Ezra might be an ignorant one. I never saw the CW Flash, people tell me all the time that version of the character is their favorite. Maybe those people will hate Ezra, but I can only comment on how I felt about his presence.

The goofy and playful tone of the whole picture is most evident with him. He has a youthful and joyous approach to the role. I thought instantly of Tom Holland’s Spiderman, and to a lesser extent his best friend Ned (Jacob Batalon) in Homecoming. That excitement, that palpable exuberance is there for all of them. I find it infectious, I can’t not enjoy how much these actors are enjoying their roles. It’s also there in most of the other members of the Justice League, but Ezra has that awkward humor timing down. In a movie like this it is all but paramount that he does. I had a blast watching him, eager to make friends and looking up to Bruce Wayne, all the while eating pizza explaining how his speed makes him a black hole for calories. Look at the wonderful way the movie has him use a marker when we first see him. Look at his reaction to seeing the Bat signal in the sky. Look at how he helps Wonder Woman in a major action sequence. Look at how fucking awesome and unique and interesting the way we see him speed to her aid, and what he does to aid her. And listen to Danny Elfman’s PERFECT musical cue in this scene. Holy shit, I almost cried out in ecstasy in these fleeting seconds. Where were amazing times like these in any of the other DCU films? Elfman’s accompaniment also plays again later when Barry has to run fast enough and time a spark to ignite something in a key scene. But that’s spoiler territory and I’ll get to it later since you all saw it coming anyway.

Ezra is likeable, and he’s funny. Wait for his Stephen King reference. Or watch him speed around the Justice League in wonder after they all meet for the first time, in total awe of his surroundings.

I guess I have to talk about the other members of the League. Gal Gadot is still rocking it as Wonder Woman. If you liked her in BvS or WW you’ll surely like her here as well. Ray Fisher does an alright job as Cyborg/Victor Stone. Though his opening scene is kinda lame. I thought we were past characters brooding by windows cloaked in shadow in place of proper intros. No one’s ever gonna top Morpheus doing it to Neo anyway. But anyway, it’s still cool to see him hack into Bruce Wayne’s computer to chat with Diana. And it’s kinda great to see him take control of Batman’s stuff later and surprise Alfred, “Do I know you?”

Jason Momoa’s Aquaman is probably what surprised me the most. Remember how laughably slow he was swimming with his trident in that email attachment footage from BvS? I thought he was done for then. And the first time we see him in Justice League he’s talking to Wayne, not too convincingly. But you know he did grow on me. How about his fight with Steppenwolf under water? How about him talking about how his mother left him as a kid with, wait, who is he talking to in this scene again? Nevermind. Momoa is built and ripped beyond belief, it’s not at all ridiculous that this guy can swim as fast as he can. And how incredible that shot is when he saves a random guy capsized out at sea? A brilliant use of almost freeze frame slo mo. It’s more fun than I thought to also see him grab a drink at the guy who he’s saved expense and slug it down while walking into a giant wave. It’s just framed so well here, as he epicly dives in and that kickass song plays. I never thought I’d say Aquaman was cool. What the fuck is happening to me

Also there is Ben Affleck, who I liked as both Bruce Wayne and Batman back in BvS. He was one of the only good things about that movie. And here he’s remains good as both. I like his Wayne, he seems more human and real as any other rendition of the billionaire as I’ve seen. Although he does remark later how Superman “is more human than me”. Hah. Look at that character arc from BvS. Remember cause he wanted to kill Superman before and now he wants to revive him to defeat Steppenwolf. What a reversal. I’ve lost my mind.

It’s interesting to see the movie at least begin to plant the relationship between Diana and Bruce. Because I guess the two have always had something there between them, at least that’s what I remember from the show. And since Bruce suggests reviving Superman is what they must do, you know the movie has to have Diana oppose him. For whatever reason they argue or that the team ever argues or debates anything doesn’t matter. Because none of this is about them fighting or clashing or having a breaking of the fellowship. It’s about them teaming up, and I’ve stopped caring about movies that squander potential and learned to like the ones that know what they want to do.

Interesting, perplexing, mind boggling even, is that there is some pseudo ethical debate about resurrecting a dead legend. I guess Diana’s argument against it comes from the whole idea of it possibly going against Superman’s wishes. Cause he wants to stay dead right? Or maybe that the dead should stay dead. Or maybe she does have a crush on Bruce and wants to keep him on his toes. They do end up having a drink together to continue their philosophical talks, and it does end with Bruce saying a good line to convince her to go along with it, “they’re all Steve Trevors”.

But hey, these conversations that happen between the members of the Justice League are some of its best scenes. To mention another, I’m gonna have to head into spoiler territory. And if you are the only person who has not read about Henry Cavill’s 45,000 dollar mustache then read no further.

The team brings Superman back to life. But it ain’t about them bringing him back. It’s about Barry Allen and Victor Stone digging up his grave. It’s about the two of them talking to each other and discovering they’re both “accidents”. I never thought I’d see The Flash try to fist bump Cyborg and get rejected. I never thought a scene like that would even begin to work on top of Clark Kent’s grave. And yet how I smiled through it all.

Oh yeah, that musical cue of Elfman’s I mentioned before. The second time this amazing theme is used is when Barry has to time his speed run to ignite a spark on one of the motherboxes at the moment it touches the goo in the Kryptonian ship after they’ve submerged Clark Kent’s body in it. I just typed all that out. It’s 5 am and I’m still talking about Justice League. I’m going fucking insane.

The sparking of the box in the goo works, and Superman is instantly awake. But wait! Something isn’t right! He scowls at the JL and a fight ensues between them.

You know in something as dumb as Civil War, where never for one second are any of the characters in danger but the movie tries so hard to make you think they are and essentially lies to you, JL’s handling of this situation is far more effective. Wonder Woman, Batman, Aquaman, The Flash, and a Cyborg take on Superman. You tell me who has already won before it even started.

The movie knows this, and so the fight is brief and Superman beats down everyone. But one of the film’s best moments comes here because all the members of the JL attempt to subdue Superman. As they do, The Flash speeds up to them to try and take him down as they hold him. In a few seconds of onscreen time, Barry Allen running what I assume is faster than the speed of light notices that Superman can see him. And not only can he see him, he can move as fast as him. Cavill’s head turn here and Ezra’s reaction to this realization had me laughing harder than a movie like this ever could.

Eventually Superman is back to good though, and I bring it up because it leads to the first scene I cringed hard in (and the movie was doing such a good job not making me cringe!). Kent meets up with Lois in a cornfield again. Yes the cornfield scene. Oh man how stupid it is that when Kent explains he feels “itchy” from being “in a wooden box”. And it’s dumb because he’s trying to be funny, and there’s Amy Adams, being way too maudlin for even this reunion. And for a split second of her emotional, wrongly dramatic overplaying here, I saw Man of Steel in her eyes. I wanted to scream.

Fortunately this scene, like most of the scenes in the movie actually, is over rather quickly. Have I even talked about the Parademons? Steppenwolf’s own private army. Weren’t they scary and demonic in BvS? Why are they such clunky jokes here? I knew we were in for useless bad guys when Batman hookshots onto one early on. They’re just alien bees that screech. But whatever. I think we could gather Steppenwolf would be lame. His name is fucking Steppenwolf. Some purple demon with a fire tipped war axe. Can’t even be gifted a cool backstory. It ain’t that compelling. And neither is the history of the motherboxes (please tell me I’m saying that right). There are three, but it’s no Ocarina of Time level lore. That shit is pretty fastly glossed over. But anyway, the team.

I think people will hate this movie not just for its villain, but for its semi accelerated pace. To be honest, I can almost understand it. The average scene in Justice League is not very long. It moves briskly from sequence to sequence. The team is assembled rather quickly and conveniently, and many things happen here that some would call contrived. But you gotta remember that the only member of the JL with their own origin movie before this was Wonder Woman. Almost all of the Avengers had solo films before joining forces. This is what has made that transition startling to fans. This is the first time we are seeing Aquaman, and The Flash, and Cyborg (aside from that email attachment). That’s a lot to live up to.

I, for my part, enjoyed it. Shocking still is that I enjoyed MOST of it. I’m not even joking, I was smiling for the majority of the runtime. I loved the look of Justice League. The cinematography is quite great to look at it, even if many of those convo scenes are filmed standardly. For a movie with reshoots and a whole new director for it’s later production it came off rather seamless. Compare that to both Suicide Squad and Rogue One, two movies that also had extensive reshoots and you can IMMEDIATELY tell those apart from the rest of those movies. Most of Justice League runs along just fine. I suspect the reshoots came in the form of super close ups of character’s saying a quippy line or joke. The movie has an annoying habit of that happening early on. Wide/medium shot of group dialogue, cut to rather jarring super close up of whatever actor says something funny (mostly The Flash). In my mind that’s Whedon throwing in as much humor as he can last minute. I think it stopped before the halfway mark so that’s okay. Didn’t bother me TOO TOO much.

The actors are good here. I think finally DC is doing something right, or less than terrible I should say. Even Cavill is leagues better here than he was in previous outings. Momoa’s Aquaman really did grow on me. I loved how he stops a flood under Gotham’s harbor. And how he digs Batman’s outfit, which causes Affleck to respond with one of my favorite lines. And even how he gets toyed with by Diana near the end (Gadot’s facial expressions and reactions to it are magnificent). And how great is it that Batman has to coax Flash out of a panic attack before their first battle together. “Just save one, then you’ll know”. Fucking too good to be true.

It’s all the more strange how at 2 hours this movie feels so truncated. I wanted more time with the individual members, and more time with them all together. Steppenwolf was so pointless, I wish the movie had spent another hour with our main guys. I’m wishing a Zack Snyder movie was longer, the world is over my friends.

But I don’t care what anyone thinks. This movie has the charm and heart that has been missing from all of the DCU. It has likeable characters doing likeable things. It has these little moments you laugh or applaud or smile at. How about that little girl’s solution to the Parademons surrounding her family’s house? How about The Flash saving a family in a truck only to look over and see how he’s outdone by Superman.

Who cares if Steppenwolf is beaten so easily at the end. Superman could probably blink and crush him. That’s not what this movie is about. Man of Steel is awful because it wanted to breathe serious life into a legendary icon, and failed in every aspect of filmmaking. There is not one single redeeming aspect of its offensive existence. BvS didn’t work because it tried to be 15 movies shoved into one. Suicide Squad was a joke because its failed tone and some of the worst editing of all time. Wonder Wonder was OKAY, and but for the great performance of Gal Gadot, might have been unwatchable.

Justice League may not work in the minds of most movie goers. But it worked for me because I am old and I am tired. And I’ve been screaming the same things my whole life and no one listens. I feel like Vito Corleone, begging for peace in a violent world. Like I’m futiley telling the five families to stop the war only to have it ignited. Christ, I’m gonna get mowed down tomorrow when I go for groceries.

I laughed and I smiled and I applauded in Justice League. And you know, it was all mostly at the movie’s intentions. Except when Affleck is driving the batmobile getting attacked by Parademons and shouts, “they’re coming, they’re all coming!”. That had me roaring. I can’t speak to the veracity to any of it though, and how well it adapts the comic book lore. I remember Jeremy Jahns saying he wasn’t sure about Barry Allen and his father since the CW show apparently did it well and he didn’t need to see it again. I dunno, I was seeing their relationship for the first time.

But yeah, I can only judge the film on its own merit, and the context of the declining movie world we live in. I’ll never forget the opening words of Roger Ebert’s review of the Robin Hood movie starring Russel Crowe, which is also one of the worst movies ever made. But Ebert began with, “Slowly but surely, all the fun is being sucked out of the movies”. He wrote that back in May of 2010. It’s more true now than it was then. The movies have gotten worse people. That is the truth. How much they have declined or why is all up for debate, but there’s a reason all the best stuff is on tv now. It seems like there’s a must see show out every other month. I think Justice League returns some of that fun, even if just for a little bit, even just by a smidge. I will take Justice League, Ragnorak, and Homecoming over Civil War and Age of Ultron and Man of Shit any time. Any fucking time. I don’t want to be miserable at the movies anymore.

It is hilarious now though. Four years ago I was the one walking out of Man of Steel screaming at how much of an atrocity it was, while everyone around me stared blankly. “It wasn’t that bad Seb”, they’d tell me. Now, everyone is screaming at me and I’m the one walking out smiling. Feels good to be on the other side. Feels good.