Directed by David Yates

Written by J.K. Rowling

Starring Eddie Redmayne, Johnny Depp, Katherine Waterson, Ezra Miller, Zoe Kravitz, Claudia Kim, and Jude Law

Here’s a nice surprise for you: I liked Fantastic Beasts and The Crimes of Grindelwald. I know it sounds crazy, but believe me, it’s true. The critics, and many of the Harry Potter fans, were unkind to this one. And while I understand their frustration towards this film, I must also condemn their inconsistency. Many articles flooded in with people calling this, “the worst Harry Potter movie ever'”. Oh really assholes? You magically forgot about the first Fantastic Beasts existence, as well as the 5th and 6th movies in the series. Hell, you even forgot about Chamber of Secrets. It’s been years since I’ve seen them all, but I distinctly remember being bored out of my mind in those outings at least. Where was this hatred towards the first Fantastic Beasts? Half of that was the worst movie I’ve ever seen. With disgustingly incompetent editing, as well as the worst wand battles of all time. Really people, if you’re gonna fuck up the wand battles in a Harry Potter film you may as well just  give up. Go home. This job is not for you.

The first film also contained a miserable performance from Ezra Miller, and whenever it focused on Credence and Colin Farrell I just wanted to walk out. It is impossible for you to think that movie is better, absolutely impossible. But let’s be fair here, Crimes of Grindelwald isn’t great, and I really do understand why many will walk out hating it. Apparently it ruins the entire lore of the Harry Potter universe. I dunno, I read all the books and saw all the movies (except 7 part 1), and what takes place in this movie didn’t bother me so much. I actually kind of dig it.

It begins with Grindelwald in captivity. He is to be transferred to Europe to be tried for his crimes. I think it’s awesome how the wizards around him carry him along suspended in frozen air by their wands. Grindelwald does manage to escape, but it’s pretty cool how he does, and the special effects in the sequence are terrific. Actually, all the visuals in this movie rock (whereas they mostly sucked dick in the first) but I’ll speak about the greater spectacles in a little bit.

We cut to three months later, on poor Newt Scamander. His travel rights were revoked by the Ministry of Magic after the events of the last movie. He just wants to travel and discover creatures. His soft hearted innocence is much more empathetic this time around. I think Eddie Redmayne does so much more with Newt in this sequel. Though I liked him in the first, I couldn’t help but see all his goofy mannerisms as uneven. Like they weren’t even sure what kind of character he was supposed to be. Now I’m sure they know. And we know as well.

The Ministry offers to give back his travel rights on the condition that he work for them. Oh right, his brother Theseus is an Auror who is part of the Ministry, and the reason Newt even has this offer. And I forgot to talk about how Leta Lestrange shows him in. And how neat that the movie establishes an awkward triangle here. That Leta has feelings for Newt, but he doesn’t return them, because she is marrying Theseus. And also because he loves Tina. More on that later too.

I’m not sure what the lense that was used here was, but I kinda liked all this. David Yates makes a point to have the faces of Leta, Theseus, and Newt in super close ups, with what little is left of the background blurred out.

But okay. Newt’s tasked with finding Credence, who is revealed here to be alive. Grindelwald wants him, for he believes Credence is the only one who will be able to kill Dumbledore. The Ministry wants Newt to find him first, and possibly kill him. Newt refuses.

Why does Grindelwald think Credence will be the one to kill Dumbledore? Well, the movie gets to that. A floating glove summons Newt to the top of the building, where Albus Dumbledore awaits him. I said before I was so excited for this movie because in all the trailers I saw Jude Law cast as a young Dumbledore, and that was a stroke of genius. No single actor occurred in my mind when the role of a young Dumbledore was set for this film. They just happened to pick the perfect one. Law is great, though he regrettably doesn’t have quite as much screentime as I thought. Still a good amount.

Dumbledore asks Newt to find Credence as well. Now we know he has to. Newt meets back up with Jacob and Queenie. Jacob was the best part of the last movie, and he remains a reliably funny and wonderful character in this cast. I don’t think he has one bad scene here. Him and Queenie are in love, but cannot openly be together since he is muggle. And I didn’t cringe at any of this like I did in the first movie. It actually works.

Credence ends up being in a circus against his will, with Nagini (eventually to become Voldemort’s pet). The outrage of an Asian actress cast in this role is pretty stupid actually. If anything, they should be angrier that she’s barely in it. Nagini has but a few lines, and is onscreen for all of three minutes. Her and Credence are close. People criticize everything for no reason, I thought Claudia Kim looked cool in the role. I just wish they had done more for her.

Tina is also there. Credence and Nagini escape the circus. Eventually Newt and Jacob meet up with Tina. I’m skipping through a lot of this because it’s a bit much to follow at times. But anyway, a newspaper article publicizing the marriage of Theseus and Leta was poorly worded, so Tina thinks that Newt is marrying her. A dumb misunderstanding, but it does eventually lead to a wonderful scene of Newt and Tina finally realizing they have real feelings for each other. Honestly I’m shocked, not one single cringe moment here. It’s amazing. It involves salamanders, but I loved it. This is how you do romance in a movie like this. Unbelievably touching.

Throughout all this the true identity of Credence is pushing the movie forward. Ezra Miller is a scared little kid who erupts in gravity warping pockets that destroy everything around him when angry or in danger. He just wants to know who he is. As does Newt, as does Tina. As do we.

And Johnny Depp takes up a massive amount of this movie as Grindelwald. And he isn’t awful. I suppose most of the world despises him now but as long we’re talking about the movie I gotta say he is great as Grindelwald. He has a lot of lines, and they’re well written. And Depp doesn’t do any over the top goofy shit like the first Fantastic Beasts had people doing. He talks in soft spoken monologues, and doesn’t aim to convince anyone, just to speak his truth. So I believed his seduction of the innocents. And in the end you will see a few characters take his side you might not have thought would have.

There are so many points this movie could have gone horribly wrong. The relationship between Newt and Tina, Grindelwald’s rally at the end, so many of the performances. But everyone is good in this movie. And I really liked the flashback to a young Leta and Newt in Hogwarts. And also James Newton Howard is the real mvp for his fucking amazing score. His themes and musical cues are incredible, and add a mythical, subtley epic aura to the picture. This movie also looks awesome. The first Fantastic Beasts looked like pure shit. Shame on them for that trash. This sequel boasts great cinematography, and insanely good special effects. The creatures, the wand battles, all the CGI is just wonderful. It’s all woven in with these little character moments to give us this magical universe. Fuck the first movie. It had almost nothing.

There is a scene, that despite looking and sounding cool, confused the shit out of me. It’s a long story told by Leta and someone else about the supposed origins of Credence. It goes on a long, long time and I just gave up trying to understand it. You’ll get the gist of it all, but maybe you’ll be dumbstruck by the finer details like I was.

But soon you’ll be at Grindelwald’s rally. There’s a lot of wording and visuals that might be likening this to a Trump gathering or something. Think about “progressive”, think about “it isn’t illegal for them to listen to him speak”. Who knows, just a thought.

Grindelwald gets what he wants, and it’s an entire sequence as I mentioned before that could have gone horribly wrong. The way he persuades people to his side works. And then some cool effects involving blue fire and a dragon. And a union of the remaining aurors.

This is not a movie for everyone. It is long, and very slow, and does not contain as much action as a sequel like this normally would. But what it does have here works really well. Some great performances, and a believable and effective villain, and wonderful creatures and magic and wand battles, and some of the very best visual effects in the entire series. And just such an insanely epic and alluring aura throughout all of it. And how after the end it makes so much sense what Dumbledore sees in the mirror. I noticed that while not much was happening in some scenes, I oddly was never really that bored. I was invested through it all. And not even close to as much cringe as the first movie had. You can suck my dick if you say the first Fantastic Beasts was better, you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

The twist at the end will surely anger fans. I didn’t care. I like the direction these prequels are taking. And people will complain about the lore and canon being destroyed or whatever, but JK Rowling wrote this script so gg I guess? I left the first Fantastic Beasts bored and angry, I was pissed that 4 more films were announced and I knew immediately none would be as bad as that. I will never watch that movie again in my life. Leaving this movie and I’m excited for the next one, and I’ll gladly welcome two more after that if we can continue with this cast.