Directed by Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman

Screenplay by Phil Lord and Rodney Rothman

Starring Shameik Moore, Jake Johnson, Hailee Steinfeld, Mahershala Ali,

Oh man, I’m gonna get flamed for this one. I’m pretty sure this’ll be the most controversial thing I say all year but I have to go ahead and say it.

I didn’t much care for Spiderman: Into the Spider-verse.

Yeah yeah. I get it. I guess I’m out of touch with the mainstream again. This movie is destined to become every person alive’s favorite movie ever I suppose. Because it’s an animated Spiderman movie featuring an under represented demographic with a positive message. In 2018. Who could not love it?

Well I didn’t love this movie. And I wanted to dammit. I hate that I don’t love it. But for the 2 hour runtime I almost disliked most of it. Almost. I thought I was crazy. I thought surely there must be something with wrong with me. Why didn’t I quite connect with this so far universally admired film? And then I think very quickly it hit me. Because there is nothing wrong with the way this movie looks. I thought the visuals were cool (mostly) and I thought about all the hard work the animators and visual effects people had to slave over it to get it that way. And I really truly enjoyed the movie’s opening, as it spazes into life as the logos and credits open.

But here now is the problem. This movie does not stop. There’s something wrong with the way it moves, it doesn’t feel like a movie to me. I felt bombarded by the ADHD train ride I was in for, and you know, a fast paced movie can be a great thing, especially in an action oriented story. But not here. This isn’t even too much of a good thing, this is nearly ruining the good you already have.

In a comedy, often times the filmmakers will leave large chunks of dead space in between the jokes to give people time to laugh at it. So in the theater you think it’s hilarious because everyone is laughing. But put that shit on at home alone and suddenly you are bored waiting from scene to scene (sometimes). Into the Spiderverse has the opposite issue. There are no spaces in between the jokes. Zero. Can you give me a tenth of a fucking second to take in what’s going on?

A joke will happen. A funny line or visual gag. The movie will instantly cut or intercut it with another, and then another, and then another. And you won’t understand why I think this is a problem until you see it. An overload of humor could work in a short. It can work in a sequence or at a movie’s climax perhaps. But I’m afraid that for 2 hours straight it infuriated and frustrated me as much as I have been those things all year.

But let me say something first. This is not a bad movie. I think that it might be almost bad. I don’t regret seeing it. And I thought briefly, maybe this is just one of those movies you have to see multiple times to truly appreciate. But I could barely sit through it enjoyably the first time. There is good in this movie, a lot of greatness too. But god DAMN that editing. God damn the erratic and non existent pacing. I feel like I just watched 5 movies all playing on separate tvs at the exact same time. What on earth

The elements. Miles Morales. He’s half black, half latino. He lives in Brooklyn. He draws in his spare time. He likes making graffiti art and posting it around the streets he frequents. His dad is a cop. He pulls down his artwork any chance he gets. Miles has an uncle named Aaron who he is very fond of. His dad and Aaron are not really on speaking terms anymore. The relationship between Miles and Aaron is a strong point of the movie, because for a few brief moments the movie slowed the fuck down a few miliseconds.

Uncle Aaron encourages Miles’ artistic side, and gives him hilarious dating advice. The “Hey” interaction here is wonderful. But Miles is nervous because he has transferred to a new school that he calls “elitist”. The other kids ignore him as he passes by, and only speak to him to make fun of him or point out that his shoes are untied.

Uncle Aaron shows Miles a spot underground where he can paint graffiti freely. A mysterious (and hella colorful) spider slides in. The movie plays on our expectations a lot….maybe too much. It works here for the spiderbite, which is another very funny moment.

But man, isolated moments like this are great. But there are hundreds of them. And I can’t smile or laugh or breathe or take in them as well because it just splices into the next. There is such a thing as a movie being TOO self aware. TOO subversive of the genre and audience’s expectations. Yeah guys, we get it, we get why that joke is funny. We understand the humor, can you please let us enjoy it?

I forgot to mention the voice acting. I almost hated it. Don’t get me wrong at all, I liked Miles and Shameik Moore’s portrayal of him. Soft spoken and unsure and nervous and real. But the Kingpin. What the fuck. And Jake Johnson as the newer Spiderman who’s been portaled into Mile’s world once the older Peter dies (I’ve got some explaining to do). It’s not that Jake Johnson’s voice is particularly annoying. It’s that in this movie it is. For long stretches. I did like him towards the end. But couple so many characters, so many voice actors, and the filmmakers desperately trying to make some hyper active Robert Altman movie in comedy. My ears. Let them breathe. For all that is holy

You’d think they’d have nailed the voice acting. Most of the cast I despised the way they sounded until the very end when I had given up and just got used to them. Even Nic Cage doesn’t sound like Nic Cage (in bad way), although he voices one of the funniest characters. As I said, visually this movie does look really good. But this insane pacing. This lack of patience and time damage this experience. And the voices suck all the more because you are assaulted by them all non stop.

However. Mahershala Ali as Uncle Aaron was impossibly good casting. Perhaps he is the best out of them all. Outstanding delivery.

And where was I in the story? Yes, Miles gets bitten. The movie has good fun with him figuring out his powers. Especially with Gwen (Hailee Steinfeld), and some pigeons. It’s actually hilarious. Miles panics and goes back to the subway station where he got bitten and finds the dead spider. He also accidentally finds the Kingpin, who has a particle accelerator. It will grant him access to parallel universes. Not easily though, as the machine warps their realities as people from other universes are sucked over.

But why is the Kingpin doing this? He wants to bring back his wife and son, who were killed in a car accident in this current universe. The way the movie reveals this involves a pen, and it’s amazing. But hold on! Peter Parker (the Spiderman everyone knows in this world) swings in to stop him, as the machine could destroy all their worlds. (This is not Jake Johnson) When him and Miles meet, both their spidey senses go off. “You’re like me”.

The machine goes off, but doesn’t work. An explosion followed by immense damage. Peter Parker obtains a usb like key that will permanently stop the machine. He gives it to Miles to do this, as he is struggling to move in the rubble. Shockingly the Kingpin kills him. Props to a PG rated movie for doing this effectively at that level.

Miles tries to be the new Spiderman, but can’t find it in himself to continue. He goes to the grave of Peter Parker (this is the scene that was teased as the 2nd post credits one at the end of Venom). So here comes Peter B Parker. THIS is Jake Johnson. We find out he was sucked into this universe from his, where he was the Spiderman. In his, he was divorced from Mary Jane because he didn’t want kids. He’s old and has let himself go, as everyone won’t stop reminding him.

This is so weird. Peter and Miles talk a lot about the universes and wanting to go home. Best part of all this is the two of them walking sideways on an apartment wall at night (ya know, cause they can stick to things). Obviously we know this will become a father son relationship. Infinity War did it better with Tony and Tom Holland (with Homecoming as its preface). Way better. Actually it’s not even fair for me to compare that shit so forget it.

Also I forgot to talk about one of the villains. This is yet another movie where the masked villain’s identity is PAINFULLY PAINFULLY PAINFULLYYYY obvious. As soon as this person’s name is mentioned you know. As soon as you see them you know. And all I could think was PLEASE DON’T LET IT BE THIS PERSON. But of course it was. And I hated the movie for it. But there was redemption. The resolution of that villain is the very best moment in the entire movie. One where I actually felt something. Where I actually wanted to keep going. And I was so happy the movie again slowed down for a few seconds so it could be powerful.

More versions of Spiderman are introduced. And there’s an okay twist on Aunt May. Nic Cage voices the Noir Spiderman, and has some of the funniest lines and moments. But the fucking movie ruins them by running us over with everything going on. And jesus christ, Peni Parker. An absolutely horrible and pandering anime character in this movie. We get it. Everyone watches anime now. This was a despicable and sell out move to have this kind of character in a movie like this. Ready Player One had a character summon a Gundam, out of nowhere. And it was fucking amazing. This movie has a little cringeworthy girl who pilots a mech like unit that has some personality. Absolute trash. You’d think they’d have done something clever with an Anime reference like Ready Player One did. Instead it is just pitiful. Let’s have an anime tropey cartoon just for the sake of having an anime tropey cartoon. Fuck you.

This movie had 3 directors, which may explain what a mess it is. Too many creative inputs and no one clear execution on comedy. Instead let’s keep everything and shove it down the audience’s throats nonstop. But it’s incredible ya know, Cloud Atlas had three directors (the Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer) and ended up being the best film of the decade. That’s the true true.

So I’ll end with this. The movie looks good, it’s computer animation blending with some hand drawn stuff. I appreciated it, even though at times it shook me too much. And while the sound design is also very good, my ears just couldn’t take it with the pacing, and all those people talking the whole fucking time. Jake Johnson’s Peter Parker did grow on me at the end, and I ended up enjoying the conclusion of his relationship with Miles. But damn did I hate his voice and a lot of other’s voices all throughout. There’s gotta be some manipulation going on in post with it, they don’t sound right half the time. And I guess I didn’t hate the Kingpin’s voice in the final scene, just in every single other one. The movie’s finale is pretty exciting, I think I liked it, although the stakes were not really there. It’s not a very compelling narrative.

So maybe I’ll end up being wrong about this movie. So go see it, I guess. Even the projectionist at my theater said it was one of her favorite movies of the year before it started. Because of course she did. I don’t unfairly hate on any movie, unless I specifically say I have a bias that disallowed me from judging it as effectively. I never, ever look for reasons to hate or dislike a movie. Why would I ever. These kind of movies keep giving me them. And it’s painful when it’s a good spirited film like this one. It has such a positive message, and such a good lead kid. Why did I not like it more?

I never want people to think exactly the same, or a certain way. I just want to encourage them TO think. Unless you’re a dishonest critic who praised La La Land but did not praise Infinity War. Then you’ve failed at everything and your opinion does not matter. Just keep in mind as you watch Into the Spiderverse that La La Land was a “type” of movie. Into the Spiderverse is a “type” of movie. Just think about what this movie is about. And think about how it’s about it. There’s a heartbreakingly deep valley in between those two. How I wished it wasn’t so empty.

OH! I almost forgot! If you end up seeing this then do not leave before the end credit’s scene. It scores the biggest laugh of the movie, don’t you dare miss it.