Directed by David Yarovesky

Written by Brian Gunn and Mark Gunn

Starring: Elizabeth Banks, David Denman, Jackson A. Dunn, Matt Jones

Let me ask you something, if a spaceship crashed in your backyard with a child in it, and you went the next decade raising that child, all the while noticing he never bleeds or gets injured, would you suddenly chalk up his latest violent tendencies to puberty? If he broke the hand of his 5th grade classmate, would you still say, “you’ll always be my baby boy”? What the fuck kind of movie is Brightburn? I don’t think the filmmakers even know. It desperately tries to be a self aware horror comedy, but each element conflicts with the other, and it ends up being a boring waste of time.

Elizabeth Banks and David Denman (who were both in the Power Rangers movie together), play Tori and Kyle Breyer. They’re just a couple who have had trouble conceiving. You can tell cause the 2nd opening shot of the movie moves slowly over a bookshelf with book after book reading “infertility” on it. That’s when I knew something was wrong.

Then a rumble. A crash. Cut to black. Flash forward 10 years and now Tori and Kyle have a 12 year old son named Brandon. He’s played by Jackson A. Dunn. If he looks familiar it’s cause he was the kid Scott Lang when Ant Man’s first time travel run went wrong in Endgame. That’s all I can really say about him.

The people who made this movie think his face is creepy, and his eyes something to behold. The camera cuts to him a lot, as if he needs an exorcism. He ain’t that creepy. And the movie’s effects with him are lame to make an understatement.

But the tone. The music is that of a demonic horror movie. Tori and Kyle play their roles like a light hearted comedy. The kid is straight out of The Omen (but not scary). Most of the side players are your typical idiots who do nonsensical things in every situation. Save for two who I will get to in a minute.

None of this works. It’s boring. The movie is a series of awkward dumb setups for cheesy scares, and failing attempts at disturbing imagery (mostly). Tori is delusional. At some point in making this movie, you have to assume the audience who is watching is incapable of critical thought. The mom knows her son is an alien from another planet. She knows he has never sustained an injury or bled. And somehow it’s impossible to her that he’s going around hurting people. Or that his anti-social behavior maybe something more than puberty. I shake my head at all of this.

So many puzzling choices here. If this is self aware, why isn’t it funnier? Why isn’t it more fun? Why is it played so straight when it’s obvious no one wants to do that? The movie has some intentional laughs, most of them are not tho btw. The audience we saw it with was on our wavelength, and laughed at the inconsistencies. Explain to me how Tori denies her son’s evil when she knows he has harmed a little girl, lied, and disappears for long periods of time, but then suddenly does a 180 when looking at the drawings his journal? Which also contain a repeated symbol which looks like a B next to a reverse B. But you can’t fool me, that’s the Berserk brand you cheapskates.

The decent thing this movie could have done was make it way funnier. Or had some legit terrifying moments. It think it’s so smart in the premise alone, what if Superman landed on Earth, but was evil instead of good? Suicide Squad posited that same question, in fear of Superman flying through the roof of the white house and snatching up the President. And look how that turned out.

What’s also awful is that it has the annoying habit of being filmed in close static shots, with the actors heavily in the foreground, and almost nothing of value going on in the rest of the frame. The wides are barely there and are cut away from almost as quickly as cut to. There are also, like 4 total locations in the whole runtime, and not a damn visual cue to mark where you are instinctively. And they use handheld a lot. It’s bad. This movie is also barely 90 minutes, with almost nothing here to justify it being made into a movie in the first place. Every scene is just a goofy dragged out weak setup for something that should have already happened. There’s even a stupid dream sequence to fill up space.

Look at the scene where uncle Noah (MattJones, Badger from Breaking Bad so I’ll refer to him as such) is killed. Brandon had the intention right when he tries to drive him home. Yet he drags it out until he’s driven long ways down the road, then just flies there, and then slowly lifts his car to drop him. Not the first time this happens. He does the same with the waitress Erica, who is the mom of the girl whose hand he breaks.

Those are the two btw. Erica and Badger, the only characters in this movie who act like people. Shocked at the deranged actions of a 12 year old murderer. No one else cares. That scene where Brandon breaks that girl’s hand is awful. He cracks and bends it all the way around. And the school and local sheriff recommend psychiatric care. You have got to be fucking me

Erica calls for his arrest. Badger berates him for showing up to his home so late and at least tries to force him into the car to drive him back. At least they tried before they died.

I’ll say this, the gore effects here are great. There are almost 3 moments of grotesque makeup effects which are fantastic. Brightburn can boast that the makeup and gore effect team brought their A game when no one else knew what they were making. The director has made mostly shorts, and the movie was written by James Gunn’s brother and cousin, with James himself producing. James Gunn has always produced trashy films long before Guardians made him a household name, and his humor has toggled between cringe and absurd, and borderline unfunny. I suspect his family writes in the same vein, and definitely for sure I know that none of this team was on the same page.

Brightburn is the city in Kansas they live in. I didn’t know that until I saw Elizabeth Banks google the words. What an idiot I am right?

Brandon’s red eyes and flying across the screen are letdowns. It’s just so stupid. Except for the shot when he tackles the waitress (almost the camera itself too). The movie has a few cool shots here and there. And I liked a final and brief few moments high in the sky. But it’s not worth seeing this stupid movie. It was never finished. A good premise of an evil superhero wasted on an undeveloped project.

So skip this movie entirely. There’s a lot coming out this summer that you should see, don’t let Brightburn be among them